I’m taking off

June 26, 2009

The week is just beginning for me. When I travel, I think of the starting day as the start of the week, even if it happens to be Saturday. Tomorrow I am taking of for a few days to Philadelphia, and these are some promises I have made to myself for this week:

  • The Google Reader can explode exponentially, and that is okay.
  • I will continue to celebrate the catharsis Eric and I experienced today. Seriously, I feel so much freer now, and I may post more about it later, once it’s not such a hot topic around here.
  • Twitter isn’t working on my iPhone, and I am going to try to be okay with that.
  • I don’t know if there is wireless where we are staying, but even if there is, I probably won’t plug in too often.
  • I’ll look at pictures of the pups at least once a day, but we do that anyway, so it’s not really a promise!

pup1-1pup1-1-2

  • When I pack in the morning, I’ll remind myself that I am not traveling to the developing world–things will not implode if I forget toothpaste. Seriously.
  • I’ll spend at least part of the trip dreaming about our next trip. If we’re not going to be nomads right away, at least we can try to travel like we are! Any fabulous recommendations that I can pine over?

After I publish this post, I am going to go take care of some of my packing rituals. What do you do the night before travel?

PS-I put the same pictures of the pups on the photo blog too, and maybe one on an upcoming dog blog post, but what can I say? I kind of miss them already, and these are some of my favorite pics of them of all time.

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If you had a life motto…

June 21, 2009

What would it it be?

Mine? Live a life worthy of a memoir.

A while ago I decided that one of my greatest fears was living an ordinary life. I feel a calling to do something remarkable, to improve the lives of as many people as possible. It sounds cliche–doesn’t every twenty something say things of this sort? There’s that whole world as our oyster bit, but I think it would be tragic for us to let go of this. I don’t see why we can’t all change the world and make incredibly positive impacts. Now, more than ever, there seems to be room for ingenuity.

I continue to have faith in the brilliance of our generation.

I’m nowhere near knowing how to do what I want to do and where I can make a valid impact yet, but I am excited to see where the next few years take me. I’m donating time and money to local organizations, but that hasn’t been enough for me. I want to keep stretching and growing as a global citizen. Because life is so precious and so fragile, I start feeling restless when I don’t know how to get started, but I know things will begin falling into place as I remove the distractions and hurdles. This restlessness is what starts moving me toward desperation–I begin thinking that I have to live somewhere in particular or get some specific schooling in order to reach my dreams. Those are merely excuses, and shoddy ones at that.

I should be able to act here, now. I read so many inspiring stories and stand in awe of so many people who have done sublime things, even at young ages. They essentially bust away any part of my self-talk that tries to convince me that I live in sub par conditions to do what I need to do.

I have no reason to not live a remarkable life today. It’s time.

(Eric humored me and allowed me to take this shadow shot of us a while ago. I love it!)

What’s your motto?

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Show what?

June 15, 2009

Before going to Vegas, I was given the opportunity to attend a Cirque du Soleil performance while there. I couldn’t wait–I can’t even remember how I long I have wanted to do this, especially after hearing how much other people had loved different Cirque shows. I didn’t really care which performance we went to, so I agreed to see Zumanity with several other bloggers.

I was prepared for visual chaos and mental stimulation, and the show did not fail to meet those expectations. We walked over to the New York, New York casino after a buffet at Caesar’s Palace. The show didn’t start until 10:30, but the excitement of being in Vegas was keeping me alert, despite having only 2 hours of sleep the night before.

What?! I had to pack, and had a photo shoot, and had a 6 AM flight.

We settled in to our fabulous seats, and awaited the show. There were actors entertaining the audience before, and I can’t deny that it was a bit raunchy. When they say the ’sensual’ side, they mean it. You have to be an adult to get in, and even to visit their website. This was a new experience for me, but it was so very entertaining. The novelty factor was awesome, but it took me a little while to absorb the show. Think women in fishbowls, giant poles–yep–and some pretty major (and graphic!) audience participation.

If you’re interested in having a good time, and your sensibilities are not easily offended, this could be the show for you. I think the only thing that would bring me back to Vegas is watching another Cirque performance–the body artistry is mesmerizing. While the performance was certainly R rated, I found myself in awe of the contortions and strength that it must take to do these kinds of performances. And I thought the Olympic gymnasts were flexible-hah.

My attention was held for most of the performance, but I did reach a point of utter exhaustion. Don’t worry–that’s when the strobe lights came on and jarred me out of the sleepy stupor. Don’t they use strobe lights in some types of torture? Yeah? This wasn’t torture by any means, but it took my eyes a while to come down from the whirlwind.

To sum that up:

Vegas: The experience was amazing, but the city itself was a bit more ehhh.

Zumanity: Awesome, trippy, definitely not suitable for everyone, but makes for quite a bit to talk about.

The bloggers I met: Incredible, extraordinary human beings.

Just do it–it’s…Vegas!

June 9, 2009

There are only a few places in this world where the location itself justifies behavior which differs from the norm. Rio de Janeiro during Carnaval. Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras. Pamplona during the races.

And, most relevantly, Las Vegas when two dozen bloggers congregate.

Last weekend I met two dozen *strangers* in Las Vegas. I slept in a room with girls I had never even spoken to on the phone. I shared meals with women who hail from all over North America. I trusted them, listened to them, believed them, and now I love them. So many of the recaps have highlighted the effects of bathing in love and the lack of judgment. It was indeed a beautiful thing, and I walked away from it all with such gratitude. I was thrilled to prove to people that, yes, 25 randoms can meet without a single moment of drama. You see, we weren’t strangers at all.

Bloggers are a self-selecting group. At our core, we are writers. We value our thoughts and dreams enough to share them with the larger world. We value other bloggers’ thoughts and dreams enough to create a dynamic community of voices. In this way, we knew each other so well. This core openness is what allowed the group to thrive, and reunite in the tangible world.

I feel blessed to have been a part of this, and to have witnessed the formation of so many friendships. I have no doubt that many of us will be seeing each other before long, so thank you all for sharing yourselves, and for caring enough to let me do the same.

I cherish the memories. The refrain of, ‘it’s Vegas–just do it!’ is still ringing in my mind, reminding me that Vegas is just a mindset. In my ‘real’ life (which is so very expanded now!), I need to remember that it’s okay to make jumps and take the scary risks. So many of you are doing the same, and I am so proud of you. It would be an honor to join your ranks. I eagerly anticipate our next gathering, and I fully expect to hear about years of change and growth. Well, I expect to read about it first!

I am beginning the process of growth by questioning my reasons for wanting to go to law school. I’ll write more about that later. A lot more, I’m sure.

I want to hear from you though–how will you challenge yourself to find happiness this year? We all tasted it in Vegas, but that’s not enough. It has to be an ordinary occurrence.

I’m not going to post too many pictures–you’ll be seeing plenty around the blog world, I’m sure. Needless to say, everyone who was there was brilliant. I was dazzled by your personalities, wit, beauty, charm, generosity, love, and strength, and I can’t wait to see where our friendships go.

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Viva Las Vegas

June 5, 2009

By the time you read this, I’ll probably be in Las Vegas, meeting all sorts of fabulous people. I am in the midst of the last minute packing hurdles now–like, do I need four dresses? NO! I’ll only be there 48 hours–that would be 2 too many dresses.

My flight takes off at 6:30 tomorrow, so I will most definitely be snoozing on the plane.

No worries here…I only take one carry on when I travel, because I have had luggage misplaced too many times. I’m so excited to meet everyone, but the thrill is somewhat tempered by the impending Monday LSAT. While some are tanning, I’ll be stretching my brain with the logic games. I’m not even taking my laptop, which is unprecedented, because I don’t think I have been apart from it for more than 2 days, ever. The hotel we’re staying at doesn’t have WiFi, so it’s best to leave it behind, and it just may be a blessing in disguise because I’ll be able to focus on the cram. I know you’re jealous!

Don’t feel too bad for me though–I get to see the Cirque du Soleil, eat at the buffet (it rhymes!), and finally put faces to so many names and hundreds of thousands of words. I’ll miss Eric and the pups tremendously, and Eric will be out of town next weekend, but I know it’s good for us to travel on our own sometimes.

So! Here is to a weekend of fun (and studying…)!

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The non-chaotic chaos

May 27, 2009

Do you ever have times in your life where everything on the surface is placid, but your mind is whirring and just won’t stop?

I’m sure you have. I am having that right now. Ostensibly, everything is smooth, it’s all fine, and it really, really is. But…

Most of you know that I am studying* for the LSAT, which I am taking in less than two weeks, the day after I get home from Vegas. It’s a bit crazy, but that’s just how the scheduling worked out. I’m just focusing on the logic games, and it is baffling how many different kinds there are. Alas…

It’s weird to me that I don’t know where I will be in a year. In so many ways I am more than okay with that–the idea of living as a nomad for a while is thrilling. We’re doing our best to streamline our belongings, so that when we do move, it will be easier. I do know that I am ready to live somewhere else, and that will depend largely on where I get accepted for school. I don’t like thinking about where too much, because I don’t want to get too invested in a location. I mean, New Haven would be lovely, but obviously I can’t hinge any sort of finality on that.

I told Eric earlier that despite only knowing a few things with certainty right now, I’m doing pretty well. Sure, I’ve got nerves, and this stomach ache that just won’t go away, probably because of the nerves, but I don’t have as much anxiety as I thought I would. Ideas and possibilities are whirring like crazy, and I am still trying to grow this photography business, but I don’t think I would want it any other way.

In school I thrived on pressure, and frankly, it’s been far too long since I have had a situation that demands pressure. As odd as it may seem, I am grateful for finally having some pressure again, at least. Sometimes I feel like I am wasting my time, but I am doing my best to think of this period of my life as an incubation/learning/growth period, even if not everything is working out just as I hoped, and even if some things are harder to handle and accept.

So, yeah, on the surface everything is calm. I’m still in Austin, working from home with Eric, trying to sort out various logistical things. However, in my mind, I am already pretty far away, dreaming of what’s next. The wonderful thing about it all, though, is that I don’t feel nearly as trapped as I did when we lived in San Antonio and owned a house. Getting out of that was the most liberating thing we could have done, and this time in Austin has been so necessary to show us that we can indeed thrive where ever we end up, even if it is Berkeley, Cambridge or Amsterdam.

*If you can really call it that! I seriously need to get cracking.

So, what’s going on in your mind? Does your life reflect it?

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Devil’s Advocate

May 21, 2009

So, I’ve got this habit. It really comes out strong with Eric, and any time I am debating something with myself.

I have a knack for playing the devil’s advocate. I derive pleasure from breaking down arguments and attempting to strengthen bad ones. This begins to cause me problems sometimes, because I’ll start second guessing everything I decide, finding flaws all the while. That’s part of the law school/grad school flopping. It is important to note that this only works in real life, and not when I want it to, like on the practice LSATs, hah.

Sometimes I have to figure out if Eric wants me to critique his arguments or not, because my brain will be gearing up to break it down, and sometimes this is a good thing, but I do want to be available when he just wants to bounce off ideas.

I don’t know why I am this way–I think I always have been. I know I tend to be a skeptic, and I demand pretty hard proof before believing most things. I never do it with a mean spirit–it’s all in good fun, like a puzzle or something. On occasion, I catch myself not listening well enough to people because I am too busy beginning to break the argument in my head, and that’s something I’ve been working on.

Last night Eric told me he read about a study he thought was interesting which concluded that parents who have girls tend to lean to the left politically, while parents who have boys lean to the right. It just didn’t make sense to me, and granted, I didn’t read the study myself, but all I could think of was, well, what about parents who have both? It’s a trivial example, but I do this kind of a lot.

The colder, more rational side of me comes out quite a bit. I think of myself as being pretty empathic, but only about certain things. I have a fairly low tolerance level for other things, and sometimes I’ll try to figure out why people can’t just separate themselves from some issue or another.

It’s not that simple, I know, and that’s why I’ve been trying to suspend judgment and listen first more often. In a weird way, photography may be helping me with this. I can’t judge or be too critical right as I click the shutter–I just have to jump and hope for the best. Usually things work out the way I want them too, but at that point, I’m prepared for them not to. The critique, if necessary, comes later, after I have had time to process the moment.

Do you ever play the devil’s advocate?

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In the meantime…

May 18, 2009

It’s been a little too long since I have posted over here. As always, I think I have a decent enough excuse. Anyway, I’ve been giving the photoblog a little makeover. Floral just wasn’t me, and I really wanted to simplify the pricing and some other features.

I was getting tired of the ‘oh, here is this session, and here are the pictures!!!’ posts, so I decided to change it up just a little.

My most recent post over there is about one of the sessions I did at the San Francisco workshop. I have several posts in draft form here, and once I finish them, they’ll be up, but I just wanted to toot the photoblog horn a little. Thanks for hanging in there!

Let me know what you think?

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Gratuitous pup-ness

May 12, 2009

These are obviously not my best shots, because really, how can something I snapped blindly while holding a 7 pound camera above my head be? It’s high time that I featured the pups on here again, so here are some shots I grabbed while at the Buda Wiener Race a while back. Also, why do I always need to mispell wiener before I get it right?

Well, that one of Radish isn’t at the races, but I didn’t take one of her there, so this is my way of making it equal, even though the picture has a green cast that I didn’t even bother to edit out. Second child, already getting the shaft!

The rest are below. For details on the race, check out Who’s Your Dachshund later this week.

Quite a crowd, yes? They were all there for the race. Obviously I am not the only dachshund fan around here!

I love how those two have to stop and sniff each other before getting to the finish line.

There were tons of kids lined up to see the race, but these got smart and went under the bleachers!

Last, and most importantly (hahaha), here is my little dude all tuckered out. We went home and crashed for a while–even though it was only April, the Texas heat got to us!

More exciting things have happened, but I just don’t have the energy to write much right now. I’ll be back with details about the workshop before long–I know my photographer friends are waiting! I’m also re-revamping my photo blog. I know, I know…how much can we change it? I’m just trying to make sure it better reflects me as I am in my real life, and not just who I think I ought to be professionally.

What’s new with you?

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For the love of people: photography and law

May 7, 2009

If you’ve been reading a while, you may have noticed some flip flopping on my part.

Law school: yes, then no. Boston: Yes, then no. Radish: yes, then absolutely yes!

I didn’t say I flip flop all the time, just a lot. It also might seem like my photography business has come out of nowhere, and that might be partially correct.

When I was a kid, it was my dream to attend the World Economic Forum in Davos one day. That’s totally normal, right? I’m sure we all had our eccentricities. Why did I want to attend? As a starry eyed kid, I really felt like I could make a difference if I worked toward being put into a position of power. I thought that if I could just talk to some of the world’s most powerful people, I could convince them that aid in developing countries is utterly necessary.

I was a starry eyed kid, yes, but I haven’t outgrown that. I want to go to law school, and I also want to have a really good reason for going. It might be the idealist child in me that feels like I can do a lot of good with a law degree, but I really think it’s true. For most of my literate life, I have had a deep interest in human rights–I was the kid arguing against the death penalty, fretting over poverty, and worrying about children begging in the streets of Mexico. I’m still that way, but my concerns are more pointed now–war criminals, genocide and starvation really rub me the wrong way. I keep looking at other programs in policy studies and international relations, but it is law that keeps drawing me in.

Now, how do I reconcile my interest in pursuing a law degree with my interest in furthering my photography business?

I didn’t know, and this was something I was really grappling with recently, so I decided to hash it out with Eric, who was, of course, able to pinpoint the connection so very quickly.

When I am taking a picture, I am looking for the best in someone. When I click the shutter, I want that moment to capture, as authentically as possible, who that person is in that moment in time. I want them to look at their pictures and know that they matter, that someone has connected with them in a real way. I want the portraits I take to be honest and pure, while whole-heartedly respecting the dignity of the subject.

I think that if I didn’t have a deep rooted compassion or empathy for all human beings I wouldn’t care about taking a true portrait. I would just snap away, trying to achieve some aesthetic standard. Last weekend, at a Discovery Workshop in San Francisco, I had the marvelous opportunity to have a portrait session with a local. I had some doubts beforehand–I had never met or talked to this person, yet I (with another fabulous lady from the workshop) was supposed to go to her house, get to know her, and get great portraits.

My doubts were for nothing. We sat down with her and got to know her on a raw, human level. She shared her pains and joys of the last year, and I was honored that she let us come in so deeply. She had such a beautiful spirit and going through this process reminded me what exactly it is that I love about photography. I love the people I encounter, I love absorbing their stories and translating that into an image.

patti

The picture is small, but there will soon be larger ones on my photograpy website if you’re interested.

My fundamental reasons for loving photography and law are one and the same. I have a passion for making sure that people’s stories get told. All stories are beautiful, and many are painful. I feel like it is my duty to contribute to our small moment in history by sharing those stories in whatever form I can, whether it is seeking justice in war tribunals or listening to a subject before clicking the shutter in a garden. The most important thing is that those stories don’t get lost in the chaos of passing time. We all matter.

So yes, I may be a flip flopper, but I am proud of it.

What has caused you to flip flop?

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